Category Archives: Sports

The Gist Of It – September 14

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This week, Landry and Hayes discuss the relative merits of NHL prospect camp hockey. What’s the lure? As well, they kick around some of their favourite story lines and performances from Week 1 of the NFL season, and Week 11 of the CFL season.

Serena Williams’ bad mood at the U.S. Open is discussed, with one of the boys being particularly disgusted.

Bill’s not big on all the fawning going on at the Toronto International Film Festival, while Don kinda digs the hoopla.

What’s to become of the TTC? And, is it really so terrible to be known as “Premier Dad”?

The Gist Of It – September 8, 2011

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In this week’s podcast, Bill Hayes and Don Landry cover subjects that are both light and heavy hearted. On the serious side, the guys talk about the KHL tragedy and that league’s plans to have a replacement team play in the place of the men who were lost in Wednesday’s air crash. Don’s not in favour, while Bill can see the rationale to do it.  Wade Belak’s suicide: Why the rush to correlate his depression with NHL fighting? And the anniversary of the September 11th attacks: Can you bear to revisit that fateful day?

On the humourous side, there’s Bill’s golf trip to Scotland. Rafael Nadal’s ill-fitting underwear is bothering, not only Nadal, but Don as well. And reflections on the 2011 Canadian National Exhibition: Bill thinks it’s time to let it go. Don thinks the ol’ lady can still thrill ya.

Related: [box border=”full”]To see the Bobby Orr Bra, click here.[/box]

THE NUTSHELL: The NHL’s Trapezoids, McCallion’s Big Fish And Deep-Fried Everything At The Ex

A weekly feature, with a collection of random thoughts on random things.

Note: After this week, The Nutshell will revert to its older, historical name: The Royal Canadian Nutshell.

 SPORTS

Mr. Bettman, tear down this line.

The NHL is trying out a few new wrinkles at its research and development camp, in Toronto. (Ain’t modern hockey grand? In the old days, if you uttered the words “research and development camp” to Eddie Shore he’d have “researched” your noggin by “developing” a right cross to your chin.) One of the possible changes they’re trying out is removing those ridiculous trapezoids in the corners, where no goalie is allowed to handle the puck. Goalies have been treated like wayward dogs who left the yard. Might as well have fitted them with those “invisible fence” collars to make sure they didn’t go get the puck in the corner. It was a silly rule when it was brought in, it’s a silly rule now. I’ve always thought punishing goalies who had good puck handling skills and took the time to hone them was a trifle idiotic. It’s like prohibiting good defensive pitchers from fielding the ball outside of the mound, or forbidding running backs from ever throwing a pass on an option. If you’ve got it, flaunt it, I say. Fun to watch a master at work, such as Martin Brodeur. Come to think of it, it’s just as much fun to watch the butchers try and do something with the disc, out in no-man’s land.

POP CULTURE

Ernie (Left) and Bert. If they were gay they would have left Sesame Street to live in Mr. Dress Up's Tickle Trunk.

I’ve been enjoying seeing Donald Trump hawking his mattresses on commercials for The Brick. The Trump home mattress collection is available. Was wondering: Are the mattresses stuffed with Donald’s hair? If so, that’s what I call luxury. Love for him to do a Willy Wonka kind of promotion, where he’d actually stuff one out of every 10,000 mattresses with cash. Or a golden ticket that earns the winner a visit to Gary Busey’s place for a day. It occurs to me that I may be mistaken about these commercials. They may actually be for “Donald Trump’s Matted Tresses.”

The good people at the Children’s Television Workshop found it necessary to step forward in the face of a social media onslaught (okay, Facebook page) that suggested Bert and Ernie come right out of the closet and get hitched. Love that they felt it necessary to reiterate that Bert and Ernie are, in fact, not actually living beings. This episode has been brought to you by the letters D, U and H.

Anybody else out there feeling they’re being strung along by George Stroumboulopoulos? He starts every show by saying “I’m your boyfriend….” That’s enough, Strombo. I mean, what are we? Commit to us, already. If you’re not ready to be our husband by now then I just don’t know what we’re doing here.

The Canadian National Exhibition opens up, today. Among the features they’re trumpeting this year — cholesterol. Plenty of it. You can get deep-fried peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, deep-fried Twinkies, deep-fried cola, deep-fried Nanaimo bars and, of course, deep-fried butter. My guess is that they’ve stopped trying to thrill you with attractions and rides. It’s just easier to raise your heart rate with a hamburger that features a bun made of Krispy Kreme donuts, instead. What kind of person would indulge in such gastrointestinal masochism? The kind who likes passing out while eating, I guess. A lot of people have bypassed the Ex in recent years. Seems the Ex is bent on forcing a lot of people to have bypasses instead.

POLITICS

Mayors Rob Ford and Hazel McCallion: If I were them I'd get that thing deep-fried, whole, at the CNE.

Mississauga Mayor Hazel McCallion gave Toronto Mayor Rob Ford a big, big fish. An 18 pound salmon that the 90 year old reportedly reeled in during a fishing derby on Lake Ontario. Well, that’s the story. Personally, I doubt she caught it with a pole. More like she stripped down to her skivvies, dove head first into the water, swam after the sucker, grabbed it with her bare hands and then proceeded to swing it over her head like an Olympic hammer thrower, and tossed it on to the deck. That’s more like Hazel. Not only did she catch it, she apparently packed it in ice and drove it to Toronto to personally present to Ford. It’s head will, undoubtedly, make its way onto the desk of the next councillor to question a policy decision.

Republican presidential candidate Michelle Bachmann wished Elvis Presley a happy birthday, this week. Problem was, she was a day early with the wishes. No, wait. Problem was, it was the anniversary of Elvis’ death (August 16th, 1977). Elvis was born January 8th, 1935. I’ll cut her some slack. She’s probably exhausted from a long summer revival tour with Fred Turner. Gosh, I still love “Takin’ Care Of Business.”

Ontario Progressive Conservative Leader Tim Hudak admitted to smoking marijuana while he was in university. Does this bother me? No. Do I wish he and every other politician would smoke pot now? A resounding yes. Maybe some of those hyper-partisan walls would fall and they could all actually chum together to do what’s best for the rest of us. In fact, let’s go a step or two further and pipe in smoke from a giant bong when the legislature is in session. Bet you Dalton McGuinty would be the first to wear his tie around his head like a bandana. Hudak could replace the Tories’ policy manual, “Changebook,” with “Highspace.”

 FINAL THOUGHT

Qantas Airlines is experiencing some turbulence over one of the in-flight movies they’ve been showing. It’s called “The Female Orgasm Explained.” I say what better place to learn about that than while travelling on an airline that’s served Down Under so well for so long.

[box border=”full”]To read a previous THE NUTSHELL, click here.[/box]

[box border=”full”]To hear this week’s podcast, THE GIST OF IT, click here.[/box]

The Gist Of It – August 17, 2011

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This week on “The Gist Of It,” Bill and Don wonder if Blue Jays’ rookie phenom Brett Lawrie will be able to continue to live up to the hype. As well, they discuss baseball veteran Jim Thome’s no-brainer inclusion at Cooperstown. Can you stomach the CNE? The boys talk over some of the gastronomic… um… delights available at this year’s Ex. They also explore the synergy that a possible provincial Conservative government could create with the Feds and debate the name changes coming for Canada’s military branches. What about the kid who won $50k in a hockey game intermission contest? Should he be penalized just because it wasn’t actually he who took the shot, but rather, his twin brother?

BLOGGERNAUT: Aggressive “D” Needed

 NOTE: TO SEE THIS POSTING AT ARGONAUTS.CA, CLICK HERE, OR ON THE PHOTO BELOW.

A third of the way into the season, the disappointment is etched in the faces of the players and the coaches. But, there is time for the Toronto Argonauts to reverse the course of 5 straight losses and begin a push towards a playoff spot. The good news is that a win in Hamilton would close them to within 2 points of their arch-rivals. It might even give them a leg up on a possible crossover playoff position, depending on the outcomes of the Lions’ and Roughriders’ games.

Far from feeling helpless and hard done by, the Argos seem intent on making a turnaround. The mood at Wednesday’s practice seemed upbeat, the executions crisp. As an added bonus, injured linebacker Jason Pottinger suited up. Maybe that added to the bouncy mood. Could he return to bolster the defence much sooner than was thought? It’ll be a few weeks, yet, but the original prognosis was that he was done for the season. At the very least, his presence might serve as a touchstone that quick turnarounds are possible.

That’s what the Argo defence needs. Allowing 407 yards of offence a game, the Argos rank last in the CFL. The top-ranked Winnipeg Blue Bombers give up, on average, almost 120 fewer yards per game.

New Defensive Coordinator Orlondo Steinauer has his work cut out for him, but it’s not a grim task. Even with injuries, the Argo defence has shown a considerable depth in talent, with no shortage, it seems, of big-play abilities. Steinauer’s challenge, then, is to move the pieces around a little, and afford them the opportunity to be in the position to make the game-changing plays. It’s the type of defence Steinauer played so well. Would it be to anyone’s surprise if he implemented that approach as a coach? A more aggressive Argo defence is possible and some would say, needed.

By way of example, in two losses to Montreal this season, the Argos basically hung back on defence, rushing 3 players much of the time while an extra defender dropped into pass coverage. Anthony Calvillo racked up 656 total passing yards in those two games while running back Brandon Whitaker cruised for 270 along the ground. That type of lay-back philosophy has allowed opposing quarterbacks ample time to survey and exploit. So far this season, the Argo defence has allowed a pass completion rate of 72%. That’s far too high. Can it be dealt with?

It can, with more aggressive coverage schemes and, especially, more aggressive rush schemes. A front four of Ricky Foley, Ronald Flemons, Claude Wroten and Kevin Huntley has the potential to be oh so damaging to an opponents’ passing game. Keeping Foley on the line with the other three might provide the Argo defence with one of the league’s more formidable sack attacks. Throw in the odd blitzing linebacker or defensive back and the Argo D may well have its answer. Short of sacks, an aggressive pass rush might at least force opposing quarterbacks to make quicker, possibly ill-advised decisions. And defensive backs love ill-advised quarterback decisions.

This type of defensive philosophy has its risks, of course. But the Argo defence does seem well-stocked with players who could make it work. Having said that, don’t expect all blitzes, all the time. That would mean too much man to man coverage in the secondary for Head Coach Jim Barker’s liking. He believes, as do many coaches, that excessive amounts of man to man coverage can burn out a defensive secondary quickly.

On offence, Cory Boyd’s return against Hamilton could provide the offence with the elixir it needs. He was last year’s Argonaut MVP and there’s good reason for that. His battering ram running may provide the offence with one of the most cherished of CFL commodities: Manageable second down yardage. Six or seven yard gains on first down make life infinitely more enjoyable for quarterbacks and offensive coordinators alike.

 

THE EXTRA POINT

Sometimes you’re the windshield, sometimes you’re the bug. I asked Argonaut receiver Jermaine Copeland if he’d ever heard that saying.

“No, but I get it. Better to be the windshield than the bug, because of the splatter part.”

Exactly. It’s a philosophical thing, really. Some people believe a bug can , through no fault of its own, find it’s way on to that windshield. It’s just fate. Others believe the bug authored its own demise, it’s mistakes leading it, eventually, to that windshield and an unsavoury demise.

With the Argos this year, they’ve had more than their fair share of “bug” moments. Some of their own design (fumbles, penalties, missed opportunities) some that were beyond their control (injuries, an oddball clock moment in Edmonton).

You can’t do much about the fickle finger of fate stuff. But you can diminish the number of your mistakes.

“That’s what we need to do,” Copeland told me after practice, this week. As a veteran, he knows this. What he hadn’t known, before this season, was the feeling of being on a 1 and 5 team. He’s never suffered that in his entire CFL career. Beyond, actually.

“I’ve never faced this my entire life. I’ve never been one and five, and I’ve been playing football since I was 5 years old. I don’t like it. I hate it. But on the positive side I know there’s definitely a turnaround waiting. A few tipped balls here and there, a few plays turned the other way… all of a sudden we’re on the victorious side of things.”

He’s hoping to lead the Argos out of that wilderness, beginning this weekend.

[box border=”full”]To see the previous “BLOGGERNAUT,” click here.[/box]

The Gist Of It – August 3, 2011

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On “The Gist Of It” this week, Bill and Don discuss Nycole Turmel’s dual – party status, Margaret Atwood’s war with the Fords and The Sheepdogs’ landing on the cover of Rolling Stone. As well, they kick around the Argos’ season so far and the Jays’ adding of Colby Rasmus (and his dad). Don bombs the Leafs over the Ryerson arena deal while Bill takes on the 24-hour news cycle. Oh, and there’s the case of the Dunkin Donuts prostitute.

THE NUTSHELL: Food Fighting, Rickrolling And Doppleganging

A weekly feature, with a collection of random thoughts on random things.

POP CULTURE

Saw a billboard, the other day, advertising cottage cheese. The slogan: “Anything Goes.” Well, that’s certainly a bold statement. There’s a picture of a burger, slathered with cottage cheese. I can’t help but think Nordica cottage cheese’s new-found cockiness might run them afoul of Miracle Whip’s “we rough up burgers” and “we will not tone it down” mentality.

Condiment warfare: Are these guys "Cheesies" or "Whippies?"

Could this lead to a street fight, a la West Side Story? Should we fear a coming crossfire of cottage cheese and mayonaise-like substance on our streets anytime soon? Will rival factions turn our city into a giant food fight? Will our streets run white with the ooze of alternative burger toppings? Or worse? Is it possible that Nordica cottage cheese and Miracle Whip will fall in love with each other’s outlaw style and go on a Bonnie and Clyde crime spree? Is Nordica Woody Harrelson to Miracle Whip’s Juliette Lewis? Are they “Natural Born Fillers?” Don’t say you haven’t been warned. Start crafting your buzzwords for the looming crisis. Burg-ocalypse. Burger-geddon.

So, Jeopardy Host Alex Trebek foiled a burglary, did he? A woman snuck into his hotel room and tried to make off with cash and a few other items. Trebek awoke, and gave chase, but not before ensuring his, uh, microphone was not swinging in the breeze. “I realized immediately someone had been in the room. I put on my underwear and ran down the hall to see if I could find her.” Correct. Alex Trebek sleeps in the nude. Wonder if his wife makes it a true daily double. I also wonder if  Trebek interrupted when police starting reading the suspect her rights and asked “What is Miranda?”

POLITICS

The U.S. debt ceiling crisis may have some people nervous, others, poised. Apparently, 33 Mexican soldiers being carried in 4 Humvees were spotted on the American side of the border, in Texas. Might I suggest waiting for the U.S. to default before invading, guys?

Nycole Turmel? Or "Peter Pan"?

The White House has been accused of “Rickrolling” a concerned citizen. When a Twitterer messaged them to say the deficit ceiling news had become boring, the White House tweeted back:  “Fiscal policy is important, but can be dry sometimes. Here’s something more fun: tinyurl.com/y8ufsnp.” That link led the Twitterer to THIS. Unleashing that on an unsuspecting victim with a link is called “Rickrolling.” Have fun. Better than planking.

Toronto Councillor Doug Ford claimed he wouldn’t know Margaret Atwood if she walked by him on the street. That led Newstalk 1010 Host Jim Richards to invite listeners come up with titles likely to be found in a Doug Ford book club. Great premise, but, I take it more literally. If Doug had a book club, I do believe it would be a club with just one book. Of the comic variety. Or, an actual club that he’d use to beat up on books.

London Mayor Boris Johnson. Or...is it?

Sure, it may just be me. But, does anyone else think the NDP’s Interim Leader, Nycole Turmel, is a doppelgänger for Sandy Duncan? I think she’ll do a fine job, but, know who’d be a really great interim NDP Leader? Bob Rae. What’s he doing these days? While on the subject of look-a-likes, the “1 year to  the London Olympics” celebration seemed to be hosted by Gary Busey. What were Londoners thinking when they voted Mr. Joshua in as mayor?

 

SPORTS

Generally speaking, I abhor excessive and silly celebrations after goals or touchdowns. Because a goal or touchdown is a fairly usual thing in any game. Over-the-top celebrations of such events feel goofy. Imagine if we all went around doing that. Score a good parking space, right in front of the mall, get out and do a choreographed dance number. Barbecue a perfect steak, pull out a sharpie and sign a guest’s forehead. However, having said that, click here, for an exception, in my mind. An Icelandic soccer team with some creativity. The guy playing the flopping fish is particularly good.

The St John’s AHL team has a name. Former Newfoundland And Labrador Premier (and Club President) Danny Williams made the announcement, today. They’ll be called the St. John’s Ice Caps. I’m sure Tim Hortons is pleased.

Found out this week that NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman’s salary is $7.5 million. Actually, that only makes him slightly overpaid. After all, he played the same number of NHL games as Wade Redden last season.

FINAL THOUGHT

A company selling reproductions of Kate Middleton’s ring says each comes with a certificate of authenticity. They’re knock-offs. Shouldn’t that be a certificate of “not-thenticity”?

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The Gist Of It – July 27, 2011

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Don wonders how it is that Bill isn’t excited about the new movie “Cowboys and Aliens.” As well, the boys talk over the NFL’s new deal, the passing of Amy Winehouse, Canada’s tarnished image as a peacekeeper, the Winnipeg Jets’ new logo and the debt ceiling fiasco in the United States.

THE NUTSHELL: Too Hot To Bother

A weekly feature, with a collection of random thoughts on random things.

THE HEAT

The Don Valley Parkway, Toronto, Ont. July 21, 2011. 4:48 pm.

My apologies if this version of “The Nutshell” is a little shorter. It’s just too hot to type. Maybe if I moved my computer inside from the top of my barbecue. It’s just that, no one on tv told me I shouldn’t word process in this heat, so I guess it’s okay. I mean, they CONSTANTLY remind you to put on sunscreen, stay hydrated and look for a place where you can cool off, but no mention of not blogging on the top of your barbecue. So, I’ll keep going. Seriously. Could everyone on TV, in radio and in print STOP telling us we need to wear sunscreen, drink water, find shade and “not overdo it”? Or, are there really people out there who would forget to drink something if they feel thirsty?

A guy on tv said we could go and cool off at “one of Toronto’s 3 world-class water parks.” I didn’t even know there were different classes of water parks. And we’ve got three WORLD-CLASS ones? Suck on that, Paris. Eat it, New York City. Hey, London, how many world-class water parks are you rockin’? Thought so. Go cool off in “the tube,” or something.

Weather guy put a block of ice on the station parking lot last night, as an experiment. He did some weather, then the camera came back to that block of ice a wee bit later. There was a slightly smaller block of ice there, with a small puddle of water underneath it. It was melting. Oh, my, look what the heat can do. Important to remember, folks. If you’re taking your pet block of ice for a walk in this weather, first slather it with some sunscreen. And keep it hydrated. Oh, and for God’s sake, don’t let that block of ice overdo it.

 SPORTS

Tiger and Steve. "Misty, water-hazard memories..."

Tiger Woods dumped his long-time caddie, Steve Williams. Big mistake, Eldrick. What if Steve decides to write a tell-all book and you come out looking…  never mind.

 

POP CULTURE

Yesterday marked the 100th anniversary of the birth of Canadian super-brain, Marshall McLuhan. All he did was predict the internet 30 years before it happened. He also predicted that the continued advancements in communication would shrink the planet into a global village. He DID NOT predict that Twitter would unleash legions of “Global Village Idiots” on us. Well, maybe he did. Meantime, I chatted with McLuhan’s son, Michael, and tried to track down Marshall’s old couch, yesterday. You can read about it in my blog: “Where is Marshall McLuhan’s Couch?”

POLITICS

President Obama auctions off the state of Delaware at a debt-ceiling charity dinner.

With the temperatures soaring on Thursday, all trains in Toronto had to travel much more slowly, because the heat was so great, it actually expanded the rails. This meant that gravy deliveries to City Hall were delayed. Not to mention that the heat curdled the gravy.

U.S. President Barack Obama gave a speech, today, on that country’s looming debt crisis. Said Obama, of the possibility of defaulting: “The United States doesn’t run out without paying the tab. We pay our bills.”  Let’s hope so. Because you know that if they get evicted from their country, they’re all gonna need a place to stay. And we’re the rich relatives right now.

Silvio Berlusconi was denied in his bid to have his sex trial moved from a Milan court. I wonder what strip club was he hoping to hold it in?

FINAL THOUGHT

Global warming? More like global scorching. Or scalding. Hell, I don’t know. That’s it! Global helling.

[box border=”full”]To read a previous THE NUTSHELL, click here.[/box]

 

[box border=”full”]To hear this week’s podcast, “The Gist Of It,” click here. [/box]